Uganda: the Authorised Version (or who my neighbour isn't)

And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, “Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”

He said unto him, “What is written in the law? How readest thou?”

And he answering said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.”

And he said unto him, “Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.”

But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, “And who is my neighbour?”

And Jesus answering said, “A certain man went down from Kampala to Entebbe, and fell among the police and law makers, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and held him, pending the arrival of the hurry-up wagon so that they might cast him into prison, and hang him; for he had dared to love another man. And by chance there came down a certain Archbishop of Canterbury that way: and when he saw him, he said ‘attempts to publicly influence either the local church or political opinion in Uganda would be divisive and counter productive, yea it would be seen as white colonialism’ and he passed by on the other side.

“And likewise a Pastor named Rick Warren and his friends, who had counselled the law makers of that land against homosexuals, when they were at the place, came and looked on him. Pastor Rick was deeply moved and said, ‘It is not my personal calling as a pastor in America to comment or interfere in the political process of other nations’, and they passed by on the other side.

“And on the morrow when he was hanged, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth from the Archbishop and the pastors, though they had known that this would come to pass.

“Which now of these two, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the police and the law makers?”

And the lawyer said, “Not one of them.”

Then said Jesus unto him, “Well done, even you can spot a hypocrite.”

Jesus wept.